Making your latte, working with the motto "just say yes," dealing with the hobos, the clueless, the regulars, and amazing(ly dumb) customers. I'm your starbucks barista.

Aug 14

Dear offices, please stop sending the stupidest person you have to get drinks for the whole office.

In the afternoons we sometimes get a few drink orders.  I guess at 3 o’clock everyone needs a coffee pick me up, so they send someone on a starbucks run.  This person is usually lacking common sense.

Interns, if I ask you a question about a drink don’t stare at me for 5 seconds and then say whatever.  I had this one intern who did this with every question I asked.  Do you want that iced coffee sweetened? ”…whatever.”  What size do you want the triple latte? ”…whatever.”  Do you want the whip cream on the mocha frappuccino? ”…whatever.”  If you’re wondering, I chose the more expensive options.

Also, don’t remind me seven million times that a particular one is for your boss and must be made right.  I make all of my drinks right, thank you very much.  Sometimes I have the urge to mess up every drink except for the boss’s where I would write “I made this one correct like how you asked!!! SMIILLEEYYY FACE!!” on the cup.

My favorite thing is when my store is unfortunately out of something that is on the order.  like chocolate chip cookies.  ”WHAT?! BUT SHE WANTED A… okay uhm… god, I don’t know… OKAY HOLD ON what do you have? m&m? M&M? uhm… are you sure you don’t have anymore?  shit… okay…”  no chocolate chip cookies = the apocalypse.  I find the level of freakoutage hysterical.  However, I find the fact that this intern being on the phone for the next 2 minutes talking about a chocolate chip replacement and kinking up the line not so funny.

Not all interns are clueless.  I know this because I was an intern, and we all know I’m pretty brill.  Once an intern came in with every person’s order written out correctly (like how we would call it) on a blank sticker/label.  We were impressed.  She was probably a paid intern.

Oh and if you come in alone with a 25 drink order, don’t be pissed when we don’t really have a magical way for you to comfortably carry the drinks.  At my store we’ve found a way to secure 12-14 drinks in a bag.  I wasn’t the one who figured the perfect configuration out, so I can say without being cocky that I think its pretty brilliant.  We cut one of the drink carriers in half and lay a carrier and a half of a carrier down at the bottom of a double bag large shopping bag.  If we have to add another layer (more than 6-8 drinks, we put #7 and #8 in between the others), we try to put cups that are the same size at the bottom, and do the full/half carrier combo on top of the other.  All hot drinks get splash sticks, and we try to throw in sleeves and straws.  If it gets extra heavy (i.e. more venti drinks than tall), we either triple bag it or tell them to make sure to support the bottom of the bag.  Its ultra crafty.

Once we had a girl come in and order like 20 drinks.  When we prepared her 2 of these bags of drinks she got mad because she thought there was no way that she could carry them by herself.  Uhm… then you should have brought another intern.

Ugh.  SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED: don’t be an idiot.

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