147xxxx

Making your latte, working with the motto "just say yes," dealing with the hobos, the clueless, the regulars, and amazing(ly dumb) customers. I'm your starbucks barista.



Aug 24
Permalink
PEACE OUT STARBUCKS! 
The summer after my freshman year of college, I got a job at starbucks in my hometown of Cincinnati.  Not only was I excited about being a barista, but I knew that when the fall came, I could transfer to a store in New York where I go to school.  When I got to my new store my manager said that I’d bring “a lot of diversity to the store.”  I wasn’t sure if he said this because I was white and from ohio or because I was starbuckian.
I figured that it was fitting for me - a barista with a lot of customers who are either google or apple employees - to start a blog so I could share a bit about the ridiculousness.
My little ole starbucks is an amazing one full of baristas who are awesome on the clock and off.  We’re all hilarious and fun but a bit miserable working under certain conditions.  I doubt that they’d ever read this because they’re too cool to ever take interest in starbucks outside of work.  Anyway, for the most part they work hard and are still down to earth and cool as hell.  If rather work with this crew than any other.
I’m going to miss all of my customers, but I’ll especially miss a few of them a bit more: the sound guys from highline, the guys from comix, iced venti vanilla soy at the bar iced coffee, iced grande extra mocha whole milk no ice chocolate milk, venti caramel macchiato, some of the mac store employees (venti hazelnut soy at the bar coffee aka “white mocha,” tall americano, tall coffee/chai tea who’s a wolf parade fan, triple grande/double tall skinny hazelnut latte who wears a scarf 365 days out of the year), iced grande nonfat no whip white mocha (the first drink I remembered!), the two grande two venti guys (although now I think they were separated at their work so they hardly come in), iced tall “no-room” iced coffee, quad with a splash, doppio espresso and sometimes chocolate chip cookie, tall lattle, grande coffee/venti coffee in the morning w/ the (according to coworkers) “sexy black man voice,” triple venti caramel macchiato, grande coffee wit the moroccan shop, caramel “mach-ee-aataaahh” who comes in with her kids, iced venti unsweetened red eye, chai fridays, short coffee with whip cream, half-caf iced venti soy latte, iced venti 4 pump classic refill, iced grande sugar free cinnamon dolce iced coffee, that dude from Cincinnati, iced grande starbucks double shot, some of the NYU acting school kids (like the olsen grande soy chai, but not all of them because a lot of them are overdramatic and obnoxious) and last but not least one of the only straight guy hottie who gets the refill with sugar free hazelnut coffee… I feel like I’m forgetting a bunch of regulars, and you know there are a bunch of customers who I see everyday, but we don’t really make any conversation or we’re just so busy when they come in.  I still love them.
I will not miss that guy who gives me sass every god damn day and thinks that he owns the place and takes change from our tip jar.  He said that I’m going to miss him.  Well I WON’T.
Today, more than two years after I made my first beverage for a customer, I worked my last shift as a starbucks barista.  My store manager realized it would probably be the last time she’d see me right before she walked out of the back room as I was doing the dishes.  She said “I’m really sorry that your experience here wasn’t as good as it should have been.”  Her tone was so honest, and I could tell that she wasn’t just saying it to say it - like just make me and herself feel a bit better.   She went on “The whole thing with your promotion really wasn’t handled right (no shit.  After I jumped through all of those hoops, I was told I would be promoted by the end of the summer.  LAST SUMMER.  I obviously wasn’t.) and I’m really sorry about that.”  I’m mad awkward so I just said “well, its okay; not you’re fault.”  We gave each other a big hug, and then as she picked up her bag she said that she was tearing up.  Now I thought that was something she said just to say, but my coworkers said that they noticed she was crying when she came out of the back room and said good night to them.
I know that saying goodbye to me can be extremely traumatic, but we all thought it was kind of odd.  Don’t get me wrong, I really care for my manager and I’m sure she cares for me but I knew her for like three months and it wasn’t like we were super close.  My coworkers and I figured she’s crying because this is the beginning of the end of an era at our store.  This happened back in April of last year, one shift left the company and our ASM and two shifts were transferred to other stores.  Suddenly the partners who’d been at our store the longest making it what it was had left.  It felt weird and it took a while for our store to function smoothly.  And that might be happening now.  Besides me shaking stuff up, the main bar morning rush partner put in her two weeks, another partner is looking into stores to transfer to, I’m not sure how long two other partners will last with the added stress that will come, and people are cutting back hours because of school starting back up.  I mean everyone talks about how they want to leave and all but, if it actually happens its going to be a hot mess for a while.
You know, the majority of customers and my coworkers are awesome, but there’s no way I could come back to starbucks.  It all seems more artificial than when I started.  My co worker said that she thinks that starbucks (or at least our district) is now hiring people with no life, no personal ambition, which sadly fits what we see going on.  Intelligent people who have gone to school and submit their resume with their application never seem to get called back for an interview.  As much as we try to deny it, starbucks is becoming like fast food.  How does one get passionate about fast food?  Why would you want to make fast food your career?  It seems that we only hire people who will not - or can’t afford to - leave starbucks for a career or passion.  Like starbucks would rather take below average people then those outgoing and unique personalities that might leave the company sooner.  My DM has often given people a hard time for going to school and told a coworker that she enjoys “building people.”  I would elaborate more, but the more I think about it the more dramatic I make it sound.  more like hitler’s third reich than a coffee company, and that’s a bit extreme.  I thinking I’m coming off like a total snot.  Whatever, starbucks is a huge huge huge brand and the stock is going up (right?) so I suppose they must be doing something right.
I once again rambled on… where was I?
Oh yeah. starbucks - our rocky love affaire is over.  Thus I’m ending this blog.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to end it.  Instead of doing a recap like a did a few months ago, I just decided to ramble on for a bit like I always do.  You know, when I started I wanted to share funny things that happened to me, but I was also sick of people treating me like dirt and dissing starbucks when they probably had really never experienced what goes on in our stores.  Super rude.  For those who don’t have a starbucks barista that knows you as a regular, I hope I made the company seem more genuine and human than the super big evil coffee company that its sometimes thought of.
I’d like to thank you guys.  I’m totally flattered by all of your comments/emails, 1933 people following me on tumblr, and 267 rss subscribers.  Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent and insight from your side of the counter.  Oh, and thanks for telling me how funny you think I am.
Oh and I also want to thank Marc and Tumblr for their kindness, putting me on the staff page and radar (or explore or popular stuff… whatever they’re calling it), and creating tumblr.
Here’s my facebook, here’s my music myspace, here’s my twitter that I don’t really… do, and here’s where I might blog a bit for my mom.  If you happen to be a regular at my store, say hi.

p.s. the last drink order I made was 3 tall coffee frappuccinos.
p.s.s. Today in our lobby a women’s quartet was rehearsing chamber music.  It was pretty heavenly.

PEACE OUT STARBUCKS!

The summer after my freshman year of college, I got a job at starbucks in my hometown of Cincinnati.  Not only was I excited about being a barista, but I knew that when the fall came, I could transfer to a store in New York where I go to school.  When I got to my new store my manager said that I’d bring “a lot of diversity to the store.”  I wasn’t sure if he said this because I was white and from ohio or because I was starbuckian.

I figured that it was fitting for me - a barista with a lot of customers who are either google or apple employees - to start a blog so I could share a bit about the ridiculousness.

My little ole starbucks is an amazing one full of baristas who are awesome on the clock and off.  We’re all hilarious and fun but a bit miserable working under certain conditions.  I doubt that they’d ever read this because they’re too cool to ever take interest in starbucks outside of work.  Anyway, for the most part they work hard and are still down to earth and cool as hell.  If rather work with this crew than any other.

I’m going to miss all of my customers, but I’ll especially miss a few of them a bit more: the sound guys from highline, the guys from comix, iced venti vanilla soy at the bar iced coffee, iced grande extra mocha whole milk no ice chocolate milk, venti caramel macchiato, some of the mac store employees (venti hazelnut soy at the bar coffee aka “white mocha,” tall americano, tall coffee/chai tea who’s a wolf parade fan, triple grande/double tall skinny hazelnut latte who wears a scarf 365 days out of the year), iced grande nonfat no whip white mocha (the first drink I remembered!), the two grande two venti guys (although now I think they were separated at their work so they hardly come in), iced tall “no-room” iced coffee, quad with a splash, doppio espresso and sometimes chocolate chip cookie, tall lattle, grande coffee/venti coffee in the morning w/ the (according to coworkers) “sexy black man voice,” triple venti caramel macchiato, grande coffee wit the moroccan shop, caramel “mach-ee-aataaahh” who comes in with her kids, iced venti unsweetened red eye, chai fridays, short coffee with whip cream, half-caf iced venti soy latte, iced venti 4 pump classic refill, iced grande sugar free cinnamon dolce iced coffee, that dude from Cincinnati, iced grande starbucks double shot, some of the NYU acting school kids (like the olsen grande soy chai, but not all of them because a lot of them are overdramatic and obnoxious) and last but not least one of the only straight guy hottie who gets the refill with sugar free hazelnut coffee… I feel like I’m forgetting a bunch of regulars, and you know there are a bunch of customers who I see everyday, but we don’t really make any conversation or we’re just so busy when they come in.  I still love them.

I will not miss that guy who gives me sass every god damn day and thinks that he owns the place and takes change from our tip jar.  He said that I’m going to miss him.  Well I WON’T.

Today, more than two years after I made my first beverage for a customer, I worked my last shift as a starbucks barista.  My store manager realized it would probably be the last time she’d see me right before she walked out of the back room as I was doing the dishes.  She said “I’m really sorry that your experience here wasn’t as good as it should have been.”  Her tone was so honest, and I could tell that she wasn’t just saying it to say it - like just make me and herself feel a bit better.   She went on “The whole thing with your promotion really wasn’t handled right (no shit.  After I jumped through all of those hoops, I was told I would be promoted by the end of the summer.  LAST SUMMER.  I obviously wasn’t.) and I’m really sorry about that.”  I’m mad awkward so I just said “well, its okay; not you’re fault.”  We gave each other a big hug, and then as she picked up her bag she said that she was tearing up.  Now I thought that was something she said just to say, but my coworkers said that they noticed she was crying when she came out of the back room and said good night to them.

I know that saying goodbye to me can be extremely traumatic, but we all thought it was kind of odd.  Don’t get me wrong, I really care for my manager and I’m sure she cares for me but I knew her for like three months and it wasn’t like we were super close.  My coworkers and I figured she’s crying because this is the beginning of the end of an era at our store.  This happened back in April of last year, one shift left the company and our ASM and two shifts were transferred to other stores.  Suddenly the partners who’d been at our store the longest making it what it was had left.  It felt weird and it took a while for our store to function smoothly.  And that might be happening now.  Besides me shaking stuff up, the main bar morning rush partner put in her two weeks, another partner is looking into stores to transfer to, I’m not sure how long two other partners will last with the added stress that will come, and people are cutting back hours because of school starting back up.  I mean everyone talks about how they want to leave and all but, if it actually happens its going to be a hot mess for a while.

You know, the majority of customers and my coworkers are awesome, but there’s no way I could come back to starbucks.  It all seems more artificial than when I started.  My co worker said that she thinks that starbucks (or at least our district) is now hiring people with no life, no personal ambition, which sadly fits what we see going on.  Intelligent people who have gone to school and submit their resume with their application never seem to get called back for an interview.  As much as we try to deny it, starbucks is becoming like fast food.  How does one get passionate about fast food?  Why would you want to make fast food your career?  It seems that we only hire people who will not - or can’t afford to - leave starbucks for a career or passion.  Like starbucks would rather take below average people then those outgoing and unique personalities that might leave the company sooner.  My DM has often given people a hard time for going to school and told a coworker that she enjoys “building people.”  I would elaborate more, but the more I think about it the more dramatic I make it sound.  more like hitler’s third reich than a coffee company, and that’s a bit extreme.  I thinking I’m coming off like a total snot.  Whatever, starbucks is a huge huge huge brand and the stock is going up (right?) so I suppose they must be doing something right.

I once again rambled on… where was I?

Oh yeah. starbucks - our rocky love affaire is over.  Thus I’m ending this blog.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to end it.  Instead of doing a recap like a did a few months ago, I just decided to ramble on for a bit like I always do.  You know, when I started I wanted to share funny things that happened to me, but I was also sick of people treating me like dirt and dissing starbucks when they probably had really never experienced what goes on in our stores.  Super rude.  For those who don’t have a starbucks barista that knows you as a regular, I hope I made the company seem more genuine and human than the super big evil coffee company that its sometimes thought of.

I’d like to thank you guys.  I’m totally flattered by all of your comments/emails, 1933 people following me on tumblr, and 267 rss subscribers.  Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent and insight from your side of the counter.  Oh, and thanks for telling me how funny you think I am.

Oh and I also want to thank Marc and Tumblr for their kindness, putting me on the staff page and radar (or explore or popular stuff… whatever they’re calling it), and creating tumblr.

Here’s my facebook, here’s my music myspace, here’s my twitter that I don’t really… do, and here’s where I might blog a bit for my mom.  If you happen to be a regular at my store, say hi.

p.s. the last drink order I made was 3 tall coffee frappuccinos.

p.s.s. Today in our lobby a women’s quartet was rehearsing chamber music.  It was pretty heavenly.

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Aug 23
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You know when you’re a high school senior and the last time you do any event no matter how mundane it is becomes significant and you get a bit sentimental over it?  Like last day of summer before you’re in college or last home coming parade or last early morning band rehearsal that you hate because its so early or last time that the year book photographers come and everyone skips class all morning saying that they’re in every school club or last stupid pep rally that no one pays attention to or last bull shit study session for that class that no one cares about.

I feel like that with starbucks this week.  Thursday was the last morning I’d have to be at the store at 5 am and the last morning rush I’d do.  Friday had the last weekday afternoon rush I’d do.  Tonight is going to be the last time I make foam for a starbucks cups or those obnoxious vivannos (oh yeah, I’m crying over that) or frappuccinos.  And the last time I close down the bar… and do all of those things that I’ve been doing every night for the past two years.  Its weird to think about, especially weird to think about how many times I’ve done it.

But right now I gotta go to work.  My last day of work.

ps I’ll post something later tonight or tomorrow :)

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Aug 22
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IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? IT SHOULD NOT TAKE YOU OVER A MINUTE TO IDENTIFY A DECAF VENTI NONFAT LATTE

Yesterday, I was double baring with a new partner.  It was maybe his 4th shift on bar, and a few of us have gone over how to mark a cup and call out a drink a few times.  I pick up the next drink and asked him how he would call it.  It was a decaf venti nonfat latte, which meant the box that was labeled decaf had a big ole X in it, an N in the Milk box, and an L in the drink box.  Pretty basic for someone who’s been on bar or calling out drinks on register for four days in a row.   Thought it would be an easy one.

He just stares at it while in my head I’m all one mississippi two mississippi three mississippi four mississippi fiv-ITS JUST A DECAF VENTI NONFAT LATTE.  So I interrupt his “thinking” and say we’ll take it slowly.  I tell him to look at the decaf box and the shots box.  When calling out a drink, these go before we call out the drink size.  I ask, “do you see anything written in these two boxes?” He opens his mouth like he’s about to say the obvious answer, but nothing comes out.  So he’s just standing there with his mouth open.  ”OKAY… in the decaf box there’s a big X… what does that tell us?”  I get a sound out of him: “uuhhhmmm decaf.”  If he wasn’t able to answer this question, I… I don’t know, I was probably just going to give up all hope on this dude.

But I don’t.  So I say “aalllright, so we know its a decaf drink… now we say what size it is.”  He picks on the cup in his hand, looks at it really hard with squinched eyebrows, and then looks at the stacks of cups for comparison.  This isn’t rocket science.  After working at starbucks - specifically on bar - for like 32 hours total, I’m asking you to identify the cup in your hand - the largest cup.  ”grrra-VENTI”  Nice save there, buddy boy.

I tell him that there’s an N in the milk box - what does that mean?  He is speechless.  What is wrong with this guy?  I really am starting to think that he legit can’t read, which would be sad, but you kind of need to be able to read to work here.  My other coworker gave me a look at this moment, and I’m sure she was thinking the same thing I was: fuuuck, this guy isn’t going to be good enough.

I’m leaving, the main morning rush bar barista put in her 2 weeks a few days ago, and a lot of us are going back to school within the next two weeks so their hours are cut in half and are taking themselves off mornings.  When one of my favorite shifts called attention to the fact that our mornings were going to be difficult to staff the usual 7, my manager commented that we were so lucky to get these 2 new partners just in the nick of time!  Uuhm… no.  I’d rather work understaffed than have to constantly watching someone to make sure they’re doing things write and not causing me to make a mistake because of them (i.e. marking cups wrong, missing orders).

Anyway, back to the puzzled partner.  I tell him the answer (“the N is for nonfat since its THE ONLY MILK THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER N”) before he can uhm and ah and look at the ceiling for another 5 minutes.  By this time, decaf shots have been pulled, nonfat milk steamed, and I’m finishing up the drink.  I decide, just for my own enjoyment, to ask what the L stands for in the drink box.  ”…LL…LATTE”

I tell him to put a grande/venti hot lid on it, and then tell him to call it out.  I say it three times slowly while I point to the markings on the cup before he calls it out: “decaf… venti… nonfat… latte.  decaf venti nonfat latte. decaf venti nonfat latte.”

What does he say? “decaf venti…uhm no fat… what is it?”

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After 2 years of all of those customers thinking that they know how to do my job better than I do, this is very satisfying.

  • (Five minutes before this conversation, we ran out of iced grande/venti flat lids, so we had to give out dome lids instead. No joke every customer who got an iced grande/venti drink had asked for a flat lid instead of the one I gave them. I had been nice and smiled saying that I was sorry to inconvenience them SO MUCH by giving them a dome lid. After the 245924th customer asking for a "normal" lid I was pretty sick of explaining that we didn't have flat lids to fit their drink... and that the iced tall lids they're pointing at wouldn't fit either.)
  • 147xxxx: Alright, here's your iced grande iced coffee
  • Customer: Uhmm... Can I have a flat top?
  • 147xxxx: ... I would have given you one but we ran out. We only have iced grande/venti dome lids.
  • Customer: Oh... (looks at the stack of iced tall flat lids, frowns, and then looks at me) You ran out? what's that?
  • 147xxxx: This? ...THIS is an iced tall lid. It won't fit, but here you can have this lid as well.
  • Customer: oh... sorry to have questioned you.
  • "SORRY TO HAVE QUESTIONED YOU" brilliant.
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Aug 20
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Oooh, we got a beverage bandit up in here this morning
— my coworker referring to this issue while double baring with me this morning.  To the woman who took a double venti cafe vanilla frappuccino light instead of the tall misto she ordered: you’re an idiot.
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Aug 19
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On Monday and Tuesday I worked an eight hour shift with the two dumbest and lamest partners in the store along with these two brand new baristas.

The new baristas will be good; they’re both eager to learn and are willing to do the cleaning side of our job with no complaints.  One of them was double barring with and was great at calling out the drinks correctly.  However he smells.  The other one is really excited about being there and kept thanking me all night for helping him out.  He has a good attitude, but I haven’t been able to really train him on bar since he hasn’t been able to remember what goes into a tall syrup latte (3 pumps of syrup & 1 shot of espresso) …  I’ve quizzed him on this every 10 or so minutes and he’s still not getting it.

You know that shift that I can’t stand?  Well my friend let me know that the shift said that he’s glad that these two guys were hired so that he can now “kick his feet up.”

…for the past two night I was working with this ass.

The other night he and I got into a little passive aggressive fight.  So the coffee timer went off, and when this happens we’re supposed to throw out the coffee and brew a new batch.  He looks at the timer for a few seconds  him reset the timer instead of dumping out the old coffee.  I asked “hey, are you going to re brew the coffee?”  He was standing 2 feet away from me and was totally ignoring me.  “hey *shift’sname* are you going to re brew the coffee or do you want me to do it?”  nothing.  “HEY WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE COFFEE?”  He then looks at the coffees and then mumbles something to himself about fifteen minutes.  So I say “what about fifteen minutes?”  and he goes on trying to ignore me.  Now, he wasn’t counting money or filling our a values walk or doing anything that he had to really concentrate on; I mean he was just wiping down the grinder with a cloth.  He just knew that he was supposed to brew it.  He didn’t brew it, and I was calling him out on it.  He in turn decides to be a little kid and believes that if he ignores me I’ll go away.  “HEY *SHIFT’SNAME* WHAT ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES?”  So he goes “oh uhm.. yeah… I’m auh just going to wait 15 minutes.”  I go “hey, have you ever noticed that you ignore people when you don’t want to answer they’re questions?”  haha, and of course he ignores me and its just ridiculous.  so I say again “HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT YOU IGNORE PEOPLE WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS?  I THINK ITS REALLY FUNNY” and then I go into the back room.  and ignore him for the rest of the night.

Listen, he’s been so ridiculously immature for the past 6 months, so I can be a little immature for one or two days.

The other partner I was working with was a barista who’s been with the company for a little more than a month.  Everyone (including myself) was making excuses why she just wasn’t getting it, but now I just think she’s kinda dumb… or at least playing dumb so other people can do the work for her.  Sometimes if someone corrects her she’ll go “ooooh my god I had no idea!”  For example:  “what?! ooh my god!  I had no idea that we could vacuum the pastry case?!!”  On Monday I said something about cleaning the brewers, and she did the whole omg?! you clean the brewers like that?! thing.  On Tuesday I noticed that she made the same mistake, and when I said something about it she pulls out that line again saying that she had no idea they were supposed to be cleaned like that… I tried to tell the shift that he should try and coach her, and he then said that the shift didn’t have to train people, and I should do it…

So on Tuesday I’m working with these ALL STARS and wanting to gouge my eyes out.  Our afternoon rush died down around 4.30, so we started to pre-close and restock while the new guys did the garbage.  However in the middle of this, business picked back up like crazy.  The month old barista and the shift were on register and I was on bar.  The floor was a complete messss.  On my side a cube of frapp base was out that I haven’t been able to put away and lids were randomly put on the side while plexies that were being cleaned.  It looked kinda chaotic.  especially when I then had 10 or so drinks lined up.  I was still being good with customers and making drinks right, but the mess was making me go a little crazy.

While finishing up some drinks, I glance over at the next one I have to make.  It looks familiar, but I can’t remember the regular who gets it.  So I look over at the bar and then hear someone say hi to me using my name.  It was my district manager… and the store looked sooo bad.  I think to myself that I should clean up, make it look like I didn’t start to preclose, say that dreadful “let me know how your drink is,” i don’t know… do all of those things that we make sure that we do when the district manager is there.  Then I realized that in a few days, I won’t be working for starbucks so I don’t give a fuck about what my district manager thinks about me.  Let her see how chaotic things can get and how terrible the shift runs his floor… I. DON’T. CARE.

It was very liberating.

As she was leaving, she told me that she loves how I connect with customers, how we chat while I make drinks and they leave laughing and smiling.  She then said, “just don’t forget to say that little tag line ‘let me know how your drink is!!’ They’ll be out the door by the time you finish saying it - they won’t even hear it!”

I just kind of gave her a look and said “uhm.. k” and went back to making drinks.

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You know, whenever I get drinks for everyone, they always ask “was the curly haired girl there?” and when I tell them “yeah yeah, she made the drinks,” they go “oh good, she makes the best drinks.”
— An awesome customer (triple venti caramel macchiato) talking about her coworkers. Totally made my week :)
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Aug 18
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Do you want your whip cream?
Me on register. I meant to ask if they wanted their receipt. This is what happens when I’m the only one on register and our little starbucks is absolutely slammed for a few hours.
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Aug 17
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How do these people function in the world?

  • Customer: Can I have a uh.. shaken... tea lemonade?
  • Coworker: Sure - what kind of tea would you like?
  • Customer: grande.
  • Coworker: ...okay well what kind of tea do you want in your tea lemonade - passion, green, or black?
  • Customer: uhmm shaken tea... lemonade.
  • Coworker: right... a shaken tea lemonade is half lemonade and half tea so what kind of tea would you like in it - passion, green, or black?
  • Customer: oh... wait what kinds are there?
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Aug 16
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So since I’m leaving the country in less than two weeks (I’m so excited, yalll!!!) I’ve been cleaning and organizing all of my stuff.  This has proven itself to be reaall difficult to do because I have a ridiculous amount of stuff which must be either stored in one box or packed.  As I was sorting dirty clothes this morning, I realized that the majority of my whites/lights are work clothes, and since I only have 6 more starbucks shifts left, they could be thrown out.  I mean I could keep them, but my white button ups and khakis don’t really fit my style.  Maybe next season the collar and khaki look will be all the rage, but my clothes are too stained with chai to ever be seen on the sartorialist.  sooo as much as it hurts me, stained white button ups and khakis: PEACE OUT; you’re going straight to the trash chute.
 (I’d also like to mention that I wrote an email to Chelsea Handler talking about a dream I had that involved her.  Very shortly after that I got an email saying “You sound like a real hot mess.” and a visitor of my site from L.A.  coincidence? I THINK NOT.)

So since I’m leaving the country in less than two weeks (I’m so excited, yalll!!!) I’ve been cleaning and organizing all of my stuff. This has proven itself to be reaall difficult to do because I have a ridiculous amount of stuff which must be either stored in one box or packed. As I was sorting dirty clothes this morning, I realized that the majority of my whites/lights are work clothes, and since I only have 6 more starbucks shifts left, they could be thrown out. I mean I could keep them, but my white button ups and khakis don’t really fit my style. Maybe next season the collar and khaki look will be all the rage, but my clothes are too stained with chai to ever be seen on the sartorialist. sooo as much as it hurts me, stained white button ups and khakis: PEACE OUT; you’re going straight to the trash chute.

(I’d also like to mention that I wrote an email to Chelsea Handler talking about a dream I had that involved her. Very shortly after that I got an email saying “You sound like a real hot mess.” and a visitor of my site from L.A. coincidence? I THINK NOT.)

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Aug 15
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This is an excerpt from my Czech audio lessons.

I unfortunately missed the next minute or so because I kept thinking how annoying this must be for starbucks in the czech republic.  I mean, when a customer asks for a “chai tea,” we always ask if they want a chai latte and chai tea.  A bunch of times they don’t even know what they want even if we describe the difference.  Can you imagine what happens when someone asks for a chai in Prague?  "a chai? do you want just like a tea - green, black, passion, white - or a chai latte… or a chai tea?"

This Czech lesson is brought to you by the letter Ř because its really difficult for me to say it in a word.

Play count: 1145
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Aug 14
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Dear offices, please stop sending the stupidest person you have to get drinks for the whole office.

In the afternoons we sometimes get a few drink orders.  I guess at 3 o’clock everyone needs a coffee pick me up, so they send someone on a starbucks run.  This person is usually lacking common sense.

Interns, if I ask you a question about a drink don’t stare at me for 5 seconds and then say whatever.  I had this one intern who did this with every question I asked.  Do you want that iced coffee sweetened? ”…whatever.”  What size do you want the triple latte? ”…whatever.”  Do you want the whip cream on the mocha frappuccino? ”…whatever.”  If you’re wondering, I chose the more expensive options.

Also, don’t remind me seven million times that a particular one is for your boss and must be made right.  I make all of my drinks right, thank you very much.  Sometimes I have the urge to mess up every drink except for the boss’s where I would write “I made this one correct like how you asked!!! SMIILLEEYYY FACE!!” on the cup.

My favorite thing is when my store is unfortunately out of something that is on the order.  like chocolate chip cookies.  ”WHAT?! BUT SHE WANTED A… okay uhm… god, I don’t know… OKAY HOLD ON what do you have? m&m? M&M? uhm… are you sure you don’t have anymore?  shit… okay…”  no chocolate chip cookies = the apocalypse.  I find the level of freakoutage hysterical.  However, I find the fact that this intern being on the phone for the next 2 minutes talking about a chocolate chip replacement and kinking up the line not so funny.

Not all interns are clueless.  I know this because I was an intern, and we all know I’m pretty brill.  Once an intern came in with every person’s order written out correctly (like how we would call it) on a blank sticker/label.  We were impressed.  She was probably a paid intern.

Oh and if you come in alone with a 25 drink order, don’t be pissed when we don’t really have a magical way for you to comfortably carry the drinks.  At my store we’ve found a way to secure 12-14 drinks in a bag.  I wasn’t the one who figured the perfect configuration out, so I can say without being cocky that I think its pretty brilliant.  We cut one of the drink carriers in half and lay a carrier and a half of a carrier down at the bottom of a double bag large shopping bag.  If we have to add another layer (more than 6-8 drinks, we put #7 and #8 in between the others), we try to put cups that are the same size at the bottom, and do the full/half carrier combo on top of the other.  All hot drinks get splash sticks, and we try to throw in sleeves and straws.  If it gets extra heavy (i.e. more venti drinks than tall), we either triple bag it or tell them to make sure to support the bottom of the bag.  Its ultra crafty.

Once we had a girl come in and order like 20 drinks.  When we prepared her 2 of these bags of drinks she got mad because she thought there was no way that she could carry them by herself.  Uhm… then you should have brought another intern.

Ugh.  SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED: don’t be an idiot.

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Aug 12
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This is why I don't like to pick up the phone.

  • 147xxxx: Hi, thanks for calling Starbucks *street*&*otherstreet*, how can I help you?
  • Caller: HEYYUHHHH WHEN DO YOU GUYS CLOSE?!
  • 147xxxx: in ten minutes.
  • Caller: TEN MINUTES!?
  • 147xxxx: yeah.
  • Caller: OKAYUHHHHHHH CAN YOU MAKE ME A DOUBLE ESPRESSO?!
  • 147xxxx: ... if you come in before we're closed - yes
  • Caller: ALRIGHTWELLLLLL I'M COMING DOWN RIGHT NOW FOR ACROSS THE STREET SO I'LL COME IN TO PICK UP MY DOUBLE ESPRESSO
  • 147xxxx: ...okay and I'll be waiting right here to ring you up - SEE YOU IN A JIFFY *click*
  • Sorry but when I have 10 minutes left of my crazy busy 8 hour shift, I'm just not. in. the. mood.
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Aug 11
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"Oh, Saturday night? I can’t. Yeah, I’m going out to karaoke with my baristas"

Yesterday my coworker commented on the Aretha playing in our store saying that it was so his song.  One of our favorite customers (the one who reminds me of this mom video and my coworker, and we gave her a starbucks card when she was having her baby since we figured we weren’t going to see her for awhile… I can’t find these posts but whatever) started teasing him “oh god, you so would say that.”  I laughed asking him if that’s what he’s going to sing when we finally go to karaoke.  The customer is like “you’re going karaoking? when?”  We tell her that we have no idea, but we’ve been wanting to go for so long.  My coworker says to her “what? you wanna come?”  She says “well I’m not working this weekend - are you guys free Saturday?”  So my coworker is like this is too brilliant and goes into the back room to see what our schedules are like.  We’re both totally off work that night.  When we tell her that we don’t know where we’re going yet, she says that she’ll find the place and let us know.

My coworker and I are SO EXCITED.  We’re going to go out with our awesome 40 something customer and have a hell of a time.

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Listen up, dude with nice hair and a good tan 365 days out of the year who obviously spends a lot of time at the gym

you are charming no one.

love

147xxxx

p.s. do you only wear muscle shirts

When we’re really busy, this guy will walk up to the counter - of course not waiting in line, take a free pastry sample, then yell for the person on bar to make him an ice water.  Then after he gets his water at the handoff counter, he’ll come back to the registers and take another sample.  He’s the kind of person who takes the sample and leaves the cup/container sitting on the counter.

He brings in the same cup and gets a refill.  The cup is slowly rotting away and is super raunch.  When he wants a flavor, he bitches about the additional cost.  Sorry, I’m not going to give it to you for free because you look like you could be a hair model.  I don’t think your ass is hot.  I just think you’re a cheap ass.

And he acts as if we should be running to him and putting aside whatever we’re doing to get his refill or god damn iced water.

Any part of him that might have once been attractive is diminished by his skeezy attitude that makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little.

This guy just totally gets under my skin.  I saw him in line (which was shocking - in line!) trying to pick up these two girls with his hair toss.  Eh, he looked like such a Chester Molester.  I feel like everyone knew of this guy in high school.  His neck was super thick, and he walked around like his arms were significantly bigger than they actually were.  And he was super rude to girls, but they were too dumb to say anything besides “OHMYGOD! YOU’RE SOOO MEAN!!”  And then when he said something stupid, and the legit kids called him out on it, he said something even more ridiculously stupid.  And then 3 years after you graduate, you randomly run into him at a bar and his drunk ass tries to hook up with your best friend from high school and he’s looking pathetic.  wait… okay sorry, I don’t know where I got off there…

ANYWAY, the other day I learned something about him that really terrified me.

HE’S BREEDING.

While I was at register, this like 11 year old kid walks up, rolls his eyes, and says “god, starbucks plays the whitest music.”  I took one look at this kid with his shiny brunette hair saying this douchey comment and knew that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. And uhm okay, lauryn hill.  Wtf is white music?  I don’t know what Dizzy Gillespie would think about you saying this about his version of tin tin deo.  I’m pretty sure when I was 11 I was still playing in dirt and not making comments like that.  I basically ignored him until he asked for a tall iced water.  His dad came in a second later and yelled over at his son to order him an iced venti ice water.

As soon as they left, I turned to my coworker and said how I had no idea that the asshole had a son, and honestly I’m wondering how long ago he found out that he had a son.  My coworker said that the dynamic douche duo came in a few days ago.  The son apparently said to my coworker “so… if I ordered coffee.. would you actually give it to me… like since I’m a kid?  because coffee’s bad for kids… so would you still let me drink it?”  Like trying to challenge my coworker with this “moral dilemma.”  She was basically like uhm, its not illegal and it should be up to your parent to decide if coffee is okay for you.

Jerk father and punk ass son - what a happy family

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